Category Archives: reflections

The Matrix (Inverted)

Agent Smith: Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you continue to live here? Why put up with bad infrastructure? Why be cheated left right and center by everyone in this country of thieves? Is it memories and attachments? Love, perhaps? Patriotism? Only a human mind could come up with something as insipid as patriotism! You must be able to see. They don’t want you here. Then why do you continue?

Neo : Because I have no choice.


Important Question!!

“The world isn’t fair, Calvin.”

“I know Dad, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favour?”

I wonder why…

Went to the library at IIMA today…to borrow books from which I need to revise for placements.
The only thing that is on anyone’s mind these days…placements. maybe next week the short quizzes might take our minds off it once in a while.
Browsed books on probability and time series analysis…borrowed a couple of books.
Wondered what I was doing here…I loved these things so much. Reminded myself that this was what I wanted to do and that finance was probably my best chance of actually working on these things.
Blogging more frequently these days…maybe more on the current affairs soon.

Change, anyone?

Change apparently is the only constant in life.
I somehow disagree. Look at the basic question in my life.

1995-96: To B or not to B?

1997-98: To B or not to B?

2000-01: To B or not to B?

2001-02: To B or not to B?

2004-05: To B or not to B?

2005-06: To B or not to B?

In between it varied a little to : To B or to B?
or to : To BE or not to BE?

2006-07: To B or not to B?

2007-08: To B or not to B?

The B’s change…the question still remains.


Run, rabbit, run
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Don’t sit down, its time to dig another one
For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race toward an early grave.

Why do these words scare me everytime I hear them?
Why does my life seem like these words were written to describe it?
When is Enough well and truly ENOUGH?


Everytime that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face gettin clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dust to dawn
Isnt that the way
Everybodys got their dues in life to pay

I know what nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know its everybodys sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life is in books written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know its true
All the things come back to you

Way back into love…

Chetana sent me this really nice song from Music and Lyrics.
Ppl around me seem to be breaking up left, right and center…the ones that aren’t breaking up are cynical and wary of the concept of love itself…they say its a sure way to hurt yourself.

Here are the lyrics…Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant singing.

I’ve been living with a shadow overhead,
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I’ve been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past,
I just can’t seem to move on!

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
Just in case I ever need them again someday,
I’ve been setting aside time,
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind!

All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can’t make it through without a way back into love.

I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine,
I’ve been searching but i just don’t see the signs,
I know that it’s out there,
There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere!

I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I’m open to your suggestions.

All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can’t make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again,
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end!

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love,
I can’t make it through without a way back into love,
And if I open my heart to you,
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end!

Here’s hoping people find their ways back into love and into hope.


Finding Neverland

Previously this post would have been titled “Coming Back to Life”…but there have been a few of those. The ones that fool you into believing you’re back and then its back to the pits.

Recently life seems to be looking up…the slope is positive and the double derivative is positive and greater than 1 too.
Atleast it isnt the decomposing, sitting-doing-nothing kind of life. Stuff seems to be moving, there is a lot to do and little time to do it in. Better than little to do and lots of time I think.
The general outlook towards life seems to be improving…seem to laugh a lot more these days.
The spring in the step is back,
and more importantly a spark in the eye, which I thought I had lost is back.
Wonder what CATalyzed the CATharsis.

Is it time I find neverland…that promised land where dreams come true?

Social Not-working

First there was Orkut…
Then a slew of others.
Apparently to keep in touch with old/long-lost friends.
Apparently to ‘make’ new friends.
Then the Brazilians and Despos took over orkut…there were infinite posts in Portuguese and as many ‘fraandship’ requests.
Lately there have been cases of identity thefts.

People like me got on to the bandwagon for its novelty…that has definitely worn off.
What is the use of having 500 friends if u can’t really find one to speak to when you really are alone?
What is the use of having 500 ‘friends’ when 5 really good ones should sufffice?
Bye bye Orkut and its ilk.

A fleeting glimpse…

There is an image from my Mumbai visit in June end that has endured in my mind. I was walking with my mom to Shivaji park I think when we passed a boy returning home from school. He wasn’t the cutest kid …but something about him caught my fancy.

It was drizzling and he had a raincoat on with a hood. He was carrying a school bag and had a water bottle around his neck.

What caught my attention was that he had his face turned towards the drizzle. The eyes were tightly shut and there was an innocent joy on his face, looked like he hadn’t a care in the world…I tried to remember when I had done something so simple so spontaneously last. I dearly wished I had a camera with me to capture that moment forever.

The joy on his face was indescribable…I have forgotten what such simple joy is and can’t find the words to describe it.

Maybe this is what PF were hinting at when they sang

When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse

out of the corner of my eyes…

He was having his glimpse of joy, a simple , guileless joy…let’s hope it is not a fleeting one.